How To Structure Effective Coaching Conversations + Examples

“So…what do you want to focus on today?”

That simple question can open the door to deep insights and a meaningful conversation with your client. 

A coaching conversation differs from a typical conversation in which advice or help is given to resolve a problem. Instead, it is focused on guiding the client through a discussion to increase their self-awareness. But how do you guide a conversation without making it feel like an interrogation? How do you help someone find their own answers without jumping in with advice?

In this guide, I have gathered tips and strategies from certified and professional coaches to help you structure your coaching conversations using the GROW model. By the end, you will also find a real video example of a coaching conversation in action, along with a template to help you plan and structure your sessions more effectively.

5 steps to structure and hold effective coaching conversations

Below, we will discuss how you can start, develop, and summarize your coaching conversations with the coachees. To make sure your conversations are result-driven, I identified the steps that follow the GROW coaching model. 

Most coaches would start exploring, particularly with this model. And the word stands as an acronym for Goal, Reality, Obstacles (or Options), and Way Forward (or Will ). What is great about this model is that it is designed to prepare a course of transformation. (Rostron, 2013). 

So, how can you have a GROW coaching conversation? First, define a clear goal. That is what the coachee wants to achieve. Then, assess the current reality to understand where they stand. Next, explore different options and strategies. Finally, agree on concrete next steps to move forward. 

Here is an example of how you can do that with guiding questions you can use while practicing. 

#1 Identify the conversation goal

Of course, every coaching conversation is different. And you never have a ready script of what you shall ask next or where the conversation will take you. 

But, especially, if it is your very first session with that person, you want to know what they expect from the sessions and what they want to focus on. So, ask questions that will help the client share what is that goal they want to achieve. 

And once you have the idea, make that outcome very specific as you are having a conversation. Because you want to have the same understanding of what “success” looks like for that person in that particular case. 

So, here are some example questions you can start the main conversation with

• What do you want to focus on?
• What do you expect to achieve as a result of our sessions together?
• Why is this goal important to you right now?
• How will you know you achieved your goal?
• Describe to me what it will look like when you are finally able to [do/be their goal]? 

As you can see, the first questions help you discover their vision, and then they are able to make it clearer as you ask specific and guided questions tied to their goal. 

#2 Understand their reality

Once you understand what success looks like for them, you also want to know what the reality is and how large the gap between the current state and the desired state is. That is the second component of the GROW model coaching conversations. 

At the same time, you do not to jump to conclusionsand mention what your idea of the gap is. Instead, you need to ask guiding question and have your coachee speak most of the time. 

In fact, when it comes to balancing speaking and listening to the conversation as a coach, most professionals follow the 80/20 rule. For example, in one of her articles Jean Balfour, who is a master certified coach, highlight the importance of listening. 

“Without active listening, we miss the opportunity to understand others, be it their perspectives, ideas, opinions, or concerns… During my feedback session, I introduced the 80/20 rule we follow in coaching, where the coach listens for 80% of the time and speaks for 20%.”

 

Jean Balfour

CEO of Bailey Balfour Coach Certification

As example questions, you can ask the following:

• What steps have you taken so far?
• What do you already do well? 
• What is within your control right now that could help you move forward?
• What would happen if you did nothing?
• How do you feel about your current situation?

Now, your job as a coach is to evaluate their situation. For example, as the coachee is describing it to you, you can understand what keeps them from moving forward. Is it because they need to work on a particular skill? Or is is that they have all the skills, but lack the will or mindset to do so. 

#3 Help the client come up with options 

At this point of the conversation, you want to help your coachee to think about what they could possibly do in that situation. What is more important is that you guide them towards that realization of the situation instead of imposing your assumptions. 

Because the act of prompting questions to the coachee is aimed at enabling them to evaluate their situation and to find solutions to their own problems (Arnold J. 2016). 

For that purpose, you can simply ask:

• What could you stop doing?, ...do less of?, ...do more of?, … continue doing? and ...start doing?
• What has worked for you in similar situations before?
• If you knew you could not fail, what would you try?
• What has worked for you in similar situations before?

#4 Discuss the opportunities with them 

As they are sharing their options, you can help them get more specific on which options would be more efficient to try. And you can make the coaching conversation more tangible when you discuss specific timeframes when they would be able to close those gaps with your guidance. 

To bring the coaching conversation to this point, consider asking questions like

• How long do you think it will take you?
• When do you think you would be able to start [the opportunities you discussed]?
• Do you want to focus on [opportunity one] or [opportunity two]?

But, it is not always that your coachees can share options or discuss opportunities with you. In those cases, Helen Bryant, who is a leadership coach, suggests never sharing your advise as the ultimate solution they should rely on. 

“If you are going to share advice, ask if you could share some advice. Because it’s really easy for you to go into a lot of detail about what they should do. Later, ask them what they think about the advice and if they think that could help them.”

 

Helen Bryant, 

Leadership coach, Creator 

Once you agree on a potential solution, you can speak about what resources they would need to achieve that or how they can be accountable for it. 

#5 Sum up the session 

As you wrap up a session, focus on leaving your client with clarity and motivation. Summarize key insights, reinforcing what stood out most. You can ask questions like this to still give your client the ownership of the conversation:

• What would you like to say to close the session?
• What would make this session feel complete for you?

Tips from pro coaches to hold coaching conversations 

If you want to hold effective coaching conversations, here are a few tips from certified and professional coaches across different backgrounds to help you. 

Summarize the key points

When you jump to the next section of the GROW model, you can summarize and clarify what you heard. That will help you build relationships and trust with the client. 

“At the end of each stage, I find that a really effective technique is to summarize what you have just heard and check if you have understood correctly. When you summarize the key points, the person feels heard”. 

 

Helen Bryant, 

Leadership coach, Creator 

Listen. 

Effective coaching conversation’s main element is listening, do not judge, and do not jump to conclusions. Simply, listen to what the client has to say. 

“When you ask a question, just listen to the answer. I don't mean the false or pretend listening that we do - when we nod in the right places, but actually inside we are thinking about our next meeting or what's for dinner tonight. Really listen to what they are saying, listen to the words that they are using, listen to the answer they are giving (which may be an answer to a different question).”

 

Chris Morgan

Leadership coach

Be flexible

No matter how structured everything is, it is almost impossible to follow the exact structure. Therefore, do not resist the coachee and let them talk even if the conversation expands. Just be aware of the techniques to bring the focus back on the main topic, but never interrupt the client, and be more flexible. 

Acknowledge their progress

For the clients, it is not always easy to realize the progress they are making. So, in your coaching conversations, remind them of the small wins they have already achieved. 

As an example of such conversations, Carly Anderson, who is an ICF-certified executive and leadership coach, suggests using a pattern like this: 

Having coached you for a while now, I observe a pattern that has emerged of being kinder to yourself. When we began coaching 3 months ago, you were often speaking harshly about yourself, and I notice how much you’ve shifted the predominant way you speak about yourself to being kinder.

Video examples of coaching conversations 

Let's discuss some practical examples.

• Personal development coaching conversation

This video demonstration is a great example of a coaching conversation that follows the GROW model. First, the coach starts by identifying what the clients want to focus on during the session. When he listens to a small win that the client shares, the coach highlights the achievement.

One of the most interesting techniques the coach uses in the demonstration is asking the client to rate an experience on a scale. Then he follows up to find out how the client feels about it. 

• Life coaching conversation 

Our next example is a real coaching conversation between Mick Rutjes and one of his clients. 

Throughout the coaching conversation, Mick Rutjes shows that his coachee already has all the answers he was looking for. At the end of the session, Mick also shared how he perceived the situation. You can watch to see how he makes the coachee understand that all he needs to do is listen to his own voice. 

Coaching conversation template

To ensure you do not miss anything when structuring coaching conversations, let’s sum up what we discussed so far in this simple template for a 65-minute session. 

Set the goal - 10 minutes

Key questions to address:

• What do you want to focus on today?
• What would a successful outcome from this session look like?
• Why is this goal important to you right now?

Explore the current reality - 15 minutes

Key questions to address:

• What steps have you taken so far?
• What challenges are you facing right now?
• What resources or strengths do you already have that could help?

Generate options - 15 minutes

Key questions to address:

• What are some possible ways to move forward?
• If there were no obstacles, what would you do?
• What is one small step you could take right now?

Agree on the way forward - 15 minutes

Key questions to address:

• Which option feels most achievable and effective for you?
• What specific action will you take and by when?
• How will you track your progress and stay accountable? 

Wrap up - 10 minutes

Key questions to address:

• What was your biggest insight from today’s session?
• How confident do you feel about taking the next step?
• What support do you need to stay on track?

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